You’re at a committee meeting and you’re refreshing the Guardian Football Live Report every 3 minutes for updates on the second half.
Don’t follow my example kiddies.
First half was a blast. Both sides were being prissy, there was drama especially with Heinze (and Torres, he was being a beezee), the referees were being jerkfaces again (Stevie G didn’t deserve that penalty), Anfield was up in a rile, and I thought Liverpool was going to pull a 2005 CL Final Milan scoring so early. Casillas, you deserve Man of the Match and if I could, I would hug you. Mascherano, stop sticking out your feet, you think we can’t see that? What a retard.
I take this game as a sign that we will lose very sorely to ManU. That’s what happens when all of a sudden, you play the way you haven’t played for a very long time: brilliantly. No joke Liverpool, you guys often stink of rotten tomatoes. That’s why I still love you.
"The commentator on ESPN just said that if Real come back in this match it will be ‘the resurrection of the century’," reports James Wells. "Of the century? What 19th century resurrection am I missing would prevent this from being the resurrection of the last, say, 1977 years?"
“Sometimes on a day off I go to the Krispy Kreme doughnut shop. When we play at home, I go there after the game and it’s like a doughnut party! Everyone is eating doughnuts inside their cars - it’s like a disco!”—
…It’s a bit confusing to pronounce at first and the meaning is impossible to guess. You might not even be sure how to make it plural. It’s the rumbling your insides make as gas passes through your digestive system. Who knew it had its own name?